Forgive, Love and Obey

One week ago today I returned from a quick 24-hour trip to California. This trip was to attend my dad's wedding, one that was both painful and uplifting. Painful because of the circumstances, but uplifting because despite every fiber of my being completely against the decision to go, by heart couldn't help but be obedient to what the Lord had asked me to do- love. There is no greater feeling than one of satisfaction, knowing you have done what He's asked you to do, no matter what it is. I can't explain the depths of the pain, I can't describe the amount of "alone" that I knew I was going to have or the extent of misunderstanding I would walk into.

                            But I went.

I want to be honest and not pretend that this was a joyful time for me. But I love my father. There are still miles and miles of struggles and barriers that may never be touched and that's okay. The most important thing is that I went with forgiveness already having invaded my heart. I can't help but love my dad and the new family that is attached to him. I didn't choose them, didn't want them, didn't plan on having them in my life. But I love them.

                            There are a lot of things I didn't choose. There's also a lot of things Christ didn't choose- a lot of cups He didn't want to take. But He did it because He couldn't help but love and obey. 

The definition of forgiveness gets skewed and misinterpreted. Or maybe we have just twisted the meaning to make ourselves feel better. But forgiveness is a pardon, not a replacement.

Forgive- "excuse, overlook, disregard, ignore, pass over, make allowances for, allow; turn a blind eye to, turn a deaf ear to..."

This word. This word that carries so many different connotations that nobody knows what it means anymore. This word means "despite what you have done to me, I will not hold it against you." This word means "I will overlook what has happened, not pretending it isn't there, but setting you free from the grudge." This word means "when I am ready, I will make an effort to witness your life regardless of what has happened, and there will be no bitterness."

                              This word also doesn't guarantee a relationship again. Nor does it promise an action. It offers freedom.

One week ago today I returned from a quick 24-hour trip to California...and a Kairos moment I've never experienced before. If I can name one instance in which the Lord has carried me,
                                                                                                                                   this would be it.


~Laramie