You Are Free

So, my latest struggle (okay, ONE of my latest) has been this unnecessary weight that I've been carrying around. It's one of shame, guilt, and many other emotions that come and go depending on what setting I'm in, how much time I've spent with the Lord, etc. The ironic thing, is that it's not that I haven't given these things up to the Lord that I feel shame for, or haven't brought them into the light. The problem is that even though I've given them to the Lord and received forgiveness, I'm still standing there holding onto them.

This is the part where we are supposed to let go. The part where we take a long walk in the freedom that Jesus has given us.

But we don't. I don't. And this week I feel like Memphis weather-- back and forth, up and down, it's never what it seems, and when it is what it seems something still feels weird.

We are reading Dug Down Deep by Joshua Harris right now in one of my classes, and he has mentioned a couple of times the freedom and forgiveness found in Christ. And it occurred to me yesterday, that I have full permission to run forward with not an ounce of guilt or shame, forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead.
                            But. I don't do it. And most of the time I feel like I can't. I don't deserve it, I can't allow myself to accept it.

So this entire weekend has been full of taking every thought captive, attempting to live free from the past and free from the guilt and shame that the enemy bombards me with. It isn't mine. Not anymore at least. I've come to God so many times asking Him to take these things away. And His answer is always the same, "I already have." But I keep picking them up, then putting them down, then picking them up and wondering why I still feel like nothing has changed. Let me just say that trusting that the Lord has cast all the things I've done as far as the east is from the west is one of the hardest things. But it's true, and I have every freedom to live tomorrow completely different from today.

"We are called to trust him, to rest in his work, and through that trusting to receive all that he has accomplished." ~ Joshua Harris

Laramie